What is LOVE for you? Amber Artis of Select Date Society answers.
I’m excited about this week’s conversation with Amber Artis. Amber shares both from her personal life and her professional life as a matchmaker. She is the CEO of Select Date Society, a luxury matchmaking firm. Amber has been a professional matchmaker & relationship expert for 22 years. The sound of laughter (especially coming from her loved ones) makes her feel good!
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Imagine that from this moment on, the verb “to love” does not exist anymore. How do you express yourself when you feel love? In words, actions?
If the verb “to love” did not exist I would express my love through both words and actions. I often use words to tell my partner, Mike, how much I care about him without using the words “I love you.” Saying things like, “You are the most thoughtful person I know” and “I have so much fun when it’s just the two of us” are ways in which I express my admiration without using the word “love.”
I also like to express love through actions, both large and small. Simple things like doing his laundry, picking up his favorite treat from the grocery store, or rubbing his back as we drift off to sleep are expressions of my love. I’ve also expressed my love through larger actions like booking a surprise vacation. More importantly than giving gifts or showing affection, I’ve expressed my love for Mike by being there when he has needed me and he has done the same. We both lost our fathers in 2019. We were both by each other’s side, holding hands, and providing comfort, leaning on each other.
🔵 LOVE
You have lived one month without using the word love. Then, it suddenly re-appears, but in the dictionaries it is without definition. You are the person to write it.
Love is an intense passion, affection, adoration and deep connection with someone or something.
🔵 Out of LOVE
In which situation (or inner state of being) did you feel most disconnected or excluded from love?
I think that the opposite of love is not hate; It is indifference. In the past, when I have ended a relationship and felt indifferent about my previous partner, I felt very disconnected from love.
🔵 Returning into LOVE
When you have been out of Love, how do you help yourself to re-enter?
I met Mike a year after my divorce. When I met him, I knew right away that he was “the one”, but I proceeded with caution.
I think that when you start to discover love again, it is natural to want to protect your heart and make sure that you can trust yourself and the new person in your life.
I knew I loved Mike right away, but we moved slowly and took our time getting to know each other.
▷Ask me a question about LOVE
What is the biggest lesson you learned about LOVE from watching your parents relationship?
Mirjam: In good times — and in bad times.
When I was seven, my father had a stroke. It took him one year to learn to speak and walk again in a clinic. My mother was there for him — and for me and my baby brother. Five years later, my father needed a multiple bypass and had to stop working. My mother started working as a teacher again while my father took over cooking and driving us to sports. I have never heard one of them complaining. They master life as a couple, as a team, as lovers. And today, in 2020, they still do.
🔵 Almost Lovers
Let me start by saying what an almost lover is for me. An almost lover is a person, with whom you feel SO yourself, SO creative, SO in love that you feel — this is my life partner. However, an almost lover does not want to be with you. Did you have an experience like this? And if so — did your almost love story lead to important inner and outer transformations in your life that you are now grateful for? Which are your favorite two ones?
I’ve never had an almost lover, but many of my clients have experienced this. I matched a couple that I thought were absolutely perfect for each other. The woman was over the moon excited after their first date. She felt like he was exactly the man she was looking for. The man thought they had a great date, but wasn’t drawn to her in the romantic sense. I think that my client (the woman) learned that she needed to be more open minded from that experience.
She felt like he wrote her off too soon and realized that she had done the same thing to men previously. After that, she decided to give every first date a chance and go on a second date, even if there wasn’t immediate chemistry.
A few months later I introduced her to someone she wasn’t feeling butterflies with on the first date, but she went out with him again and now they are in a happy, healthy relationship!
🔵 On Leaving
What happens to (your) LOVE when a partner/ crush/ lover — someone you have been in love with — leaves you?
The love doesn’t necessarily leave, but it doesn’t stay with you as an active part of your life. Instead of a feeling you’re experiencing, it becomes a memory. That love may come back from time to time when you recall a fond memory, but it doesn’t stay in your life on a daily basis.
🔵 LOVE Quotes
There are many love-quotes out there. Which is your favorite one on true romantic love — and why?
“Love is blind.” This is my favorite love quote, but not for what the quote is meant to express. It’s my favorite quote because Mike is blind, so the quote “Love is blind” is quite literal for me
Thank you Amber!
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What is LOVE for you?
is a Love interview series by author Mirjam Grupp.
Share what love is for you. Get in contact at bymirjam.com.
