Welcome to conversations about love. I love to talk about love. About its many faces — and more importanly about how we can consciously access the power of love and live our lives from a place of love.
This week, I am talking with Anjani Amladi, MD. Anjani is a medical doctor who specializes in both adult and child/adolescent Psychiatry. She has always been interested in the brain, human behavior, and mental health so becoming a Psychiatrist seemed like a natural fit for her when deciding what specialty to pursue when in medical school. Helping children and families process and manage the stress of the pandemic has been a challenging but also rewarding part of her career. She loves the calming scent of lavender and tries to incorporate it in different areas of the house including air fresheners, candles, and fabric softener.
🔵 _ _ _ _
Imagine that from this moment on, the verb “to love” does not exist anymore. How do you express yourself when you feel love? In words, actions?
Physical touch is such a meaningful way to convey love and care. Whether it’s holding hands, hugging, cuddling, or kissing physical contact is a simple gesture that can connect two people instantly without the need for words.
You have lived one month without using the word love. Then, it suddenly re-appears, but in the dictionaries it is without definition. You are the person to write it.
To show enduring compassion and care to a desired individual
🔵 Out of LOVE
In which situation (or inner state of being) did you feel most disconnected or excluded from love? Can you remember and share the thoughts that you were thinking in this state of being?
In the beginning of new relationships there is a honeymoon period where things seem “perfect.” But after the allure wears off there is a noticeable shift where the give and take no longer seems equal. This is often where I feel the most disconnected as I tend to be the more giving party in a relationship. When that is not reciprocated there is a feeling of loneliness and isolation that takes over. The mistake that I have made in those situations is to keep giving to the relationship until I’m exhausted, at which point is has become abundantly clear that the relationship is over.
🔵 Returning into LOVE
When you have been out of Love, how do you help yourself to re-enter?
I take a break and focus on myself. I feel like women tend to give so much to their partners, and if we’re not careful we can lose ourselves in the process. After a relationship ends I ask myself questions like “what do you want?” And “what do you need?” And I do that. The relationship that I have with myself is the most important relationship there is. If I can’t love myself, how can I expect anyone else to love me?
After I feel like the relationship I’ve built with myself is solid, that is when I feel the most confident in opening the door to a new relationship with someone else.
▷Ask me a question about LOVE
How do you know when you have met “the one”?
Mirjam: my parents are married since 42 years, happily married I have to add here. They got married quite late for the time, my mom being 34 and my dad 42. They took their time. So I’ll answer with the words of my mother: you know it, your heart beats at its right beat and you feel calm. And here is the version of my dad. Long before people were talking about the law of attraction, my dad bought a piece of land and a family car when he felt he wanted to continue his life with a woman by his side and children. He felt certain to have met his wife, when he realized that my mom did not ask any of her friends about their opinion if he might be the right one. So also for the “Knowing” it takes two, and maybe one that is “Knowing” a bit more and helps the other in their “Knowing.”
🔵 Almost Lovers
Let me start by saying what an almost lover is for me. An almost lover is a person, with whom you feel SO yourself, SO creative, SO in love that you feel — this is my life partner. However, an almost lover does not want to be with you. Did you have an experience like this? And if so — did your almost love story lead to important inner and outer transformations in your life that you are now grateful for? Which are your favorite two ones?
Timing is everything. Before I was accepted into medical school I met a wonderful man who was such a great fit for me. He was kind, funny, understood me, made me laugh, and made me feel comfortable, confident, and beautiful all at the same time. We had only been seeing each other for a few months when I found out I was accepted into medical school across the country. Although we knew that we were great together, asking him to move across the country was just not an option either of us were willing to consider. We spent the rest of that summer together and then amicably parted ways. It was certainly hard at the time, but I left knowing that if it was meant to be it would be. And if not, that finding love with someone else was possible.
🔵 On Leaving
What happens to (your) LOVE when a partner/ crush/ lover — someone you have been in love with — leaves you?
I get sad, then I get mad, then I get busy. I’ve never been the type to let a relationship or break up deter me from my goals and dreams. I remember that relationships end for all kinds of reasons, usually valid ones, so a relationship ending is not a loss. It’s a lesson that propels me to the next stage of my life.
🔵 LOVE Quotes
There are many love-quotes out there. Which is your favorite one on true romantic love — and why?
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” Stephen Chbosky, The Persk of Being a Wallflower. ”
There are so many different types of love. True love, painful love, controlling love, reciprocal love, plutonic love, etc. Sometimes we settle into relationships that are not good for us due to fear of starting over, being alone, or not finding someone who better suits us.
When it comes down to it, we have the power to decide whether a relationship is good for us or not. We often settle for what we think we deserve because we are afraid to accept the idea that we deserve better. This is a culture that we need to change.
What is LOVE for you?
is a Love interview series by author Mirjam Grupp.
Share what love is for you. Get in contact at bymirjam.com.